A knotty problem

I have to start by mentioning a lady called Kitti. She was owner of an establishment where a lady could go and have her hair done, get a massage and numerous other small treatments that help boost a lady’s self-esteem. At various times I had read my poems to her clients as they waited for their hair to dry or had various other somewhat longwinded procedures. It was all great fun, the banter was brisk and provided me with plenty of witty asides to use in my own conversation during the evening.

But time moves on and Kitti decided that she ought to step back from her work. She had a daughter who was entirely competent and was ready to take up the reins. But what was Kitti to do?

Her husband held a responsible but inadequately remunerated position in one of the various merchant houses. Kitti still felt the need to earn at least some income. Fortunately she had a plan.

Her daughter had mentioned that there was a fashion for a series of exercises which promoted Karmic Unity as well as making a lady fitter and more flexible. Kitti was prevailed upon to accompany her daughter to the exercise class as the daughter was wary of going on her own. As it was Kitti disgraced herself.

In spite of having three daughters, Kitti is still a slender woman. Having spent her days almost on the run as she deals with various issues, she is fit. Nobody had realised how fit. When the lady leading the class was going through the exercises, Kitti kept up. The other ladies on the course, none of whom were over thirty, struggled. The last straw was when the Leader finished her final movement by sitting with her left foot behind her head. This too Kitty did without obvious difficulty. The silence was broken only by her daughter’s hissed reproach, “Mother! Stop showing off.”

Still, although she never went back, Kitti did manage to get her hand on an illustrated booklet which had prints of the various positions. She put these together to create her own exercise programme. Then she talked to her friend Madame Sassina. Madam was a long term client who had become a friend. Also she was a widow and was finding it difficult to manage, so she too would be open to a new income stream. Then after discussions, they summoned me.

I arrived at Sassina’s rather nice house, set in its own grounds. Sassina and Kitti, decorously dressed, went through the movements. Or rather Kitti did. She announced the positions as she went through them whilst Sassina followed her. So Kitti started with ‘Goddess in repose,’ moved fluidly through to ‘Flower at dawn’, followed with Lord of the small mice, the Goose pose, and then into the ‘Karmic star.’
The problem came when Sassina became hopelessly entangled as she attempted to move into the Lord of the small mice pose and it took two of us to help her regain the control of her limbs. It was at this point that I suggested that Kitti create a whole new set of poses more suitable to her expected clientele.
This she did, and with only a little practice, Sassina could work her way through the whole routine. The project was ready to begin.

Kitti quietly advertised the new classes at her (now her daughter’s) business, and a lot of ladies turned up for the first classes. I had pointed out that Kitti needed to provide a more comprehensive experience than merely going through exercises. I found a lady violinist who would accompany the exercise routine. Watching Kitti’s subtle hand signals, this lady would alter the tempo of the music depending on whether Kitti thought her pupils were struggling.

Then after the class, it struck me as entirely civilised to provide her pupils with a glass of a pleasant infusion. Sassini at this point mentioned that her cook produced a delightful dessert which could be served at this point. Nothing solid or fattening, the dessert consisted of chopped soft fruit, crushed meringue, cream and sugar. Each lady would get a generous bowl full of this.

The classes were a success, ladies were happy to pay a not unreasonable sum and whilst the exercises were not perhaps as strenuous as those taught by others, they were adequate and those taking them claimed to feel the benefit.

The main problem was the daughters. These, who were doing the ‘proper’ Karmic Unity exercises were somewhat scathing about their mothers who were doing something far easier, which involved dessert. Indeed some of the teachers, perhaps worried that Kitti and Sassini would tempt their pupils away from them got distinctly unpleasant in their comments. But what to do about it. We had a discussion.

It was Sassini who commented that a lot of the disquiet amongst daughters came from the fact that Mother was out enjoying herself, when she should be looking after grandchildren so that the daughter could go out enjoying herself. Obviously I paraphrase, the original grumble was not stated in such bald terms but I think I have captured the true nature of the grievance.

It was then that I had an idea which I still feel showed genuine brilliance. We would hire a teacher. Our ladies could bring their grandchildren, yet they could extract funds from their daughters to cover the cost of the teaching. But who do get? Here I was lucky. I remembered Wagan Tarp. He had risen to the rank of sergeant, leading his crossbowmen across Partann and even onto the Red Steppe. Yet somehow he also married and was a loyal husband and devoted father to three children. Given he had taught himself to play the trombone, and had trained two generations of infantry, he was obviously adequately qualified.

Indeed once Kitti and Sassini started offering this extra service, there was a complete about face amongst the daughters. Suddenly they were most solicitous of their mother’s health and fitness, felt that she should partake of these exercises at least twice a week, and of course she could take the grandchildren with her. The thoughts of those who taught the more formal Karmic Unity exercises has not been recorded. I think the fashion faded. After all, what young woman, who suddenly discovers she has her children looked after for a full afternoon, wishes to spent that time in the Goose pose.

All in all, matters proceeded smoothly enough for Kitti and Sassini. They not only paid their violinist and old Wagan, but earned a decent income for themselves. There were minor issues. Kitti had felt it unwise to name the various poses and stances, lest she be accused of stealing from the more formal classes. Thus she had just numbered them. Her pupils, all mature ladies, had abandoned the numbers and instead named the poses from their supposed resemblance to various amatory positions. This did cause the raising of eyebrows should a lady mention these poses by name when in company.

With regard the education, Wagan was a success. His pupils would get a piece to read, something to write, and then when they had finished that, they would sit with a dish of the dessert each, listening enthralled as Wagan told them tales of his experiences in Partann and the North. I think that it is important that our younger generation is in touch with their history.

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Should you wish to know more about Port Naain

As a reviewer commented, “This is a collection of stories about Tallis which go to show that it’s not all drinking afternoon tea or partaking of soirees for a jobbing poet. We discover some of his early life, some of the society feuds he became entangle with, and the story of how he met his wife and acquired the boat on which they live. Great little tales!”